I Wanna Be On Top: Use Your Inner Goddess to Preserve the Purity of Young Girls

Cycle 12 of America's Next Top Model aired it's two hour premiere tonight with themes of greek goddesses and girly innocence. As someone who came within inches of getting the opportunity to strut my stuff out there, I watched transfixed with skepticism (that Rockville girl with the bad attitude took MY spot?), and wonderment (did Tyra just self identify as the Goddess of Fierce?).

The high notes of this week are mostly centered around the picking of the girls who will live in the house and becoming familiar with their characters. The notable ones include a Texan street preacher, a wide eyed girl with blood lust, the requisite "plus sized" model that looks like everyone I know, and perhaps Tyra's proudest catch, a burn survivor. Tahlia (the burn survivor) and Kortnie (the "plus sized" model) serve as the shows' underdogs and token characters that Tyra can point to so that the show can't be criticized by the mainstream as only catering to a certain body type or look.

Tyra has already bathed in self righteousness over how Tahlia is strong and needs to be given a chance by ANTM, and while she makes an attempt at comforting Tahlia when she feels othered at the runway competition, Tyra's bemoaning about how the modeling industry will either love Tahlia's scars or hate them just comes off as belittling. Tahila's personality quickly is lost on the show, and she becomes nothing more than her scars. I look forward to learning more about her (as she is one of the nicer contestants), and I hope the producers give us a chance to see her other attributes, interests, and thoughts. That being said, as always with this gray-area series, it is great that this woman has air time to talk about her story, showing viewers that she is talented, and that her burns don't make her ugly. Although, so far she has admitted that the show is making her feel "shame" about her skin and serves as a reminder for how "different" she is. Will this be a train wreck or a growing experience for the audience and the contestant? I'm eager to see how this plays out.

Secondly, the show's photo shoot has a creepy/cute focus on young girls and how they are, according to Tyra, "good girls turned bad." (bolding mine) During the shoot, there is an emphasis on what makes a good girl (pigtails and jax) and a bad girl (torn stockings, smeared make-up, and pregnancy), and Tyra can't help but allude to her talk show which has found that (gasp) "1 out of 5 girls want to be teen moms." This moral panic has, of course, turned into Tyra's personal war against the idea of "innocence and purity being lost." Which we know thanks to The New York Times and Jessica Valenti, founder of Feministing and author of the new book The Purity Myth, is a big fucking scare tatic. Not to mention how this line of thinking only targets and infantilizes girls and women. It is disempowering in refusing to acknowledge our capabilty to make our own choices, and is also slut shaming/victim blaming as it ignores the responsibility of the men needed for the sexing, raping, and baby-making. The Tyra Show website even asks "Why are so many teenaged girls pregnant?!," - we have yet to see the question, "Why are so many teen guys getting girls pregnant?" In the video clip, not one person even thinks to explain girls get pregnant "because guys have unprotected sex with them." Though, that's because, duh, it's mostly the media whoring them up and making 'em unpure. It couldn't be from the lack of safe sex education, no no no. Don't girls know we can see their dirty pillows? Cover up, or you might get preggers. Unless you're on America's Next Top Model, then get nekkid, sexy, and girly for the camera's, but only in the most pure fashionista way. Virgin/Whore Chic is totally in for Spring. Thanks Tyra, the wealth of crazy pants knowledge you bestow is priceless.

Fad-tastic: Missing the Point of Vaggie Tales

On Valentine's Day I wrote about how my involvement with The Vagina Monologues throughout college helped shaped my perspective on violence against women, sexuality, feminism, and my own body. I also touched on how a lot of people don't embrace the show in the same way, sometimes with thoughtful feminist criticisms, but most of the time the negative reviews have the cultural analysis of an old sweat sock,"OMG! VAGINAS! LESBIANS! TAMPONS! SEX! This play is motherfucking crazzzzy!!1111!!!" Well add "WTF? DOUCHING IS AWESOME!!!" to the pile of poor arguments against the play. Writen this time by a California State University student, a self-professed feminist who at least admitted to liking the play, but not as much as she loves smelling good.

Instead of joining in with the many approving “Yeahs” coming from different women in the audience, I sat in troubled silence while thinking of my liking of products that would fall in the vagina-hating category. In contrast to the woman in the monologue that exclaims she wants to “taste the fish, that’s why I ordered it,” I firmly believe that if you smell anything fishy, you’re more than likely past due for a shower. Not finding myself agreeing with much in the monologue, I quickly became terrified by the shock that maybe this meant I wasn’t the progressive feminist I had felt myself evolving into. Does my love for smelling good, constantly indulging in Victoria’s Secret Love Spell lotion and Chanel Chance perfume, make me another woman cheated to live a life of incessantly buying into constraints set by a patriarchal society?

This commentary is one "I couldn't help but wonder" away from being the cheesiest most surface level assessment on the planet. To base a review of the play not on the larger message, but on one's picking at a single line of dialouge, unraveling it like an old sweater, is unfocused and bad analysis. Especially since the writer's only point is that she wants the feminist freedom to wear perfume no shame strings attached, missing the orginal context of the line which is about how douching is lame-o.

Which brings us to what a young, and unseasoned feminist/writer this girl is. I can only hope this rambling viewpoint is her first foray into both. Perhaps with more years of education under her belt, she'll be able to see the "My Angry Vagina" monologue for its true purpose: an outlet for women to healthily show their frustration at products and expectations that are required of us and our vaginas, yet never have either in mind. It is not an attack on one's choices or preferences.

For example, everyone is entitled to smell of whatever fragrance they desire guilt-free, be it Chanel or "rain." The voice of "Angry Vagina" is not enraged over picking out your signature scent, but rather the fact that douches are created too make women feel bad, embarrassed, and secretive about their vaginas. They are not created with women in mind. Douche products are made with chemicals that can harm your vagina, robbing it of it's natural chemistry and lubricant, all the while ensuring your MALE partner doesn't have to suffer through eating out your supposed garbage hole. It's the companies marketing these products that are attacking femininty, not this monologue. As a "progressive feminist," I wish this girl would also be enraged that some agency is making money by telling her that her twat stinks. Besides, her neck area might be Chanel-tastic, but unless she's aiming the sprayer between those lower lips, I bet her vagina still smells well, vagina-y...and I hope someday she comes to learn and appreciate how that is 100% okay.

Looking Back at VDays Past: I Am Not a Beautiful, Angelic Being of Purity and Limitless Love

Things I like about Valentine's Day:

*Retro Victorian valentines that are bright and ornate

* Candy Conversation Hearts

* The cheesetastic puns found on the cartoon valentines that come 30 per a box

* Giant tacky velvet boxes of chocolates adorned with elaborate lace, bows, and flowers

* The extra love, adoration, and presents one recieves from family, friends, co-workers, and partners

In general I love holidays and the themed apparel that comes with those holidays. Though, there is one thing about Valentines Day that makes it extra special for me, and that is The Vagina Monologues. I acted and directed for it all throughout college, and it stands as one of my proudest accomplishments. In the years that I did it, I helped raise over $15,000 for programs in my town that provided support and safety for victims of intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and rape. In addition it helped me and many other girls/women I worked with become more open and talkative about our bodies, sexuality, and life experiences.

The dialogue it created year after year just between the performers alone was hilarious, exciting, eye-opening, titillating, wrenching, thought-provoking, and sometimes just outrageous. Each time I worked with it I learned more about myself, and the women of my campus. Also, it quickly became clear that a portion of the campus totally disagreed with us, our experience, and our expression. I'm not talking about some of the more legit arguments against the play, I'm more speaking to how conservatives think this play is making women synonymous only with their vaginas, ignoring their precious jewel like quality.

There's lots of muck one could get into about this, but just for fun I'm going to let my previous work speak for me. Upon shamelessly Google searching my name recently (you know you do it too), I found this opinion piece I wrote for my college paper two years ago in response to some misogynist asshole masquerading as God's Duke of Protecting Oversexed Women. I've read lots of college republican bs when it comes to the VagMons, but this article in particular really tops the cake. So for posterity's sake, let's jump in the way back machine and check out why The Vagina Monologues Do More Harm Than Good for Women and don't forget to read my response. Yeah they have a couple years on them, but the arguments in both are timeless.

I hope everyone enjoys their holiday however they like, and I encourage you to find a V-Day show to support near you! Remember all proceeds go to benefit victims of violence in your neighborhood!

You Know What's NOT Feminist? Refusing to Take Responsibility for Your Orgasm!

I have to confess that although I do not enter into the danger zone that is website message boards very often, I sometimes can't help but scroll down and read a few (or a few dozen) comments. For me, message boards have the same train wreck appeal that an episode of Jerry Springer does, I know reading them will be mind numbingly annoying, but I'll be damned if they aren't entertaining. My latest skip through the interwebs led me to the message boards of Facebook's "Feministing" group. The Feministing website is my favorite online hangout, and because I'm a FB group junkie, I eagerly joined up on there as well. Unnecessary? Absolutely. I popped on today to see if there's really anything on it to benefit from, or if I would be better off dumping it to make room for the bazillion other capricious, masturbatory groups I need need need to join. Then, against my better judgment, I got roped into some misguided feminist's thoughts on sex and sex work (you think "misguided" sounds cruel now, but just wait until you try to follow her train of thought from pole dancing to guys who can't "eat pussy" in just a few sentences).

I was hooked by title, "Can Sex Work Manifest Feminism?" Presumably, from reading her thoughts, she's wondering if sex work can be feminist...though it's not really fair of her to pose this as a query because she's already got the answer, and it's a big fucking (or not fucking in this case) NO! Of course, to be fair she is posing one of the hardest questions for the movement because it is one of our biggest dividing lines. There's no fantastic way to win here. Either one is anti and comes off as not validating women's choices, thus infantilizing them, as well as looking like an advocate for censorship...or one is pro and in championing a women's choice one starts to ignore all of the preordained factors (patriarchy, anyone?) that led to the decision which often make it more of an only option than a choice.

Honestly, I don't like to get worked up for either argument, as both sides can have valid points when argued well. Although, I tend to support options that will be safest for women and their health. Therefore, as long as prostitution, porno, and pole dancing have willing (not forced), adult participants, I think the responsible thing to do is to support our sisters in the sex industry and help them get better rights and representation. Just check out the mavens with moxie over at $pread magazine. This is a publication written and produced by current and former sex workers that seeks to "build community and destigmatize sex work by providing a forum for the diverse voices of individuals working in the sex industry." Women who through grassroots activism demand better treatment by the government, their male co-workers, and their clients?! Don't tell me these ladies aren't feminists.

My other gripe with this message board posting is when it awkwardly transitions from the sex work issue to her unhappy sex life. For many paragraphs and other postings she vents her frustrations with the males in her bed and their inability to tickle her fancy. Crappy sex is for sure a major reason to loose your mind, and a dude who is more than willing to push your head down on his without so much as glancing at your lady cat deserves to be kicked to the curb, no doubt. However, when a woman can count the number of partners who have chowed down on her girly bits, poorly at that, while implying that her list of gentlemen callers stretches around the block I can't help but wonder (yikes all this sex talk is making me channel Carrie Bradshaw) if maybe someone isn't speaking up and schoolin' like she should.

I'm not laying blame on this gal or any of my lusty lady friends, and I'm certainly not siding with i'll-take-my-bj-without-the-cunnilingus-please guys. However, this whole argument she makes brings up an important point that I find myself considering a lot: how much do we women blame our male-dominated culture/society for those bad in bed boys and how much personal responsibility are we willing to take for our orgasm?

Look, whatever kind of sex you're having, it requires two people and just wanting it to be good is not gonna cut it (uh, duh, remember your first time?). It's one thing to sleep with selfish assholes (did he really not seem like a selfish asshole before the clothes came off?!?!), but it's another to assume that a guy who really cares about you automatically knows your ins and outs like a Google map. There's a lot going on down there, and although we're used to poking around and knowing what's hot and what's not, the guys may need a little tutoring. Should they ask? Hell yes, but not asking doesn't make them private enemy #1, especially if we're not telling. If we're not asking for what we want and telling our partners what we need, aren't we partially to blame for bogus buggering? In addition, if we're not comfortable with asking, telling, teaching, learning, shouldn't we be asking ourselves why we're jumping into the sack with this person, instead of asking why are all men selfish slackers?

Here's an even bigger question: why are we women letting guys give us bad head? I'm sick of women being the victims of bad sexual experiences. It's time to take a stand here, and demand better, and giving up giving head is not the way to get our point across. (It's not fair to withhold sex to get sex, if a guy did that to us I'm sure we'd have even more to say about that.) So guys have no problem telling us that we're using too much teeth, and if we don't want to "go into the bathroom and masturbate after we've had sex," why aren't we telling them the equivalent? They want to know, and until we teach them what's what down there, they are either going to continue grop around like blind mice or avoid the whole thing all together. And for those who sit through class and still refuse to do the work, fail those d-bags, and tell 'em this group project just became DIY.